So all during the episode I was preparing a whole ‘nother blog post. I was gon’ talk about how Molly is going to let comparison be the death of the relationship she ain’t even had yet. I was gon talk about Molly and Issa switching roles (Issa tryin’ to be a hoe, Molly trying not to be) and getting exactly what they (don’t) want. I was gon talk about how it’s best to just be you to avoid adding to your body count and only getting bad sex or the foolishness of turning down Sterling K. Brown (I know that ain’t his name on the show but bae is always bae *in a respectful, I know he married this all in my head kinda way* and to be clear, ain’t no body count judgment ’round here). But all that was before Tasha decided she was giving the benediction…
And much like Damon over at VSB, you know exactly where you were when she opened the doors of the church.
At any rate, just when you thought the episode was over and Tasha was about to forgive Lawrence again by feeding him, she dropped the gospel. Told Lawrence…
You worse than a f*ck nigga, you a f*ck nigga who thinks he’s a good dude (Relations 4:43)
The doors of the church are open.
Won’t you come…
Listen. I had wine glass in hand about to take a drink when that word hit me. HBO need to warn me because it wasn’t even the cheap stuff so I would have been mad if I dropped it. But God. And good grips.
And you know a word is good when you ain’t even got to expand upon it much or break it down although sistas got exegeses all over the interweb by now. In this case, what’s understood don’t got to be explained but we gon repeat it for the ones who don’t understand. One more time for the f*ckboys in the back. And especially the f*ckboys who think they good dudes. Since Issa cheated, #teamLawrence been acting like the sky fell down. Like Issa cheated on some upstanding, supportive, moral, romantic, caring blah blah blah good dude. Nah. She cheated on a f*ckboy. Only some folks couldn’t tell he was a f*ckboy simply because he didn’t cheat first. That’s how low the bar is for men. All Lawrence had to do was be physically present and that was supposed to count for something. But the reality is that Lawrence wasn’t emotionally available and he mentally stepped out long before Issa physically stepped out. And I’m not saying she did a good thing (or the right thing). I am saying we can’t make it more than it was. So Issa cheats and #teamLawrence thought they found the blameworthy party. Only when Lawrence moved on to the next woman, his f*ckboy slip started hanging a bit lower. Dude got so out of hand his uber goofy homeboy even called him out. Seems the golden child was pretty much just using Tasha for a place to crash, some ass and a few hot plates. But he swore he wasn’t. And that was enough for #teamLawrence. And then Lawrence kinda sorta cheated on Tasha. Because f*ckboys. I say kinda because although they weren’t in a relationship, he certainly wasn’t open with Tasha about the fact that he had a community penis. Wasn’t nan condom nowhere in sight when Lawrence and Issa got down (important side note: know your status, get tested. For all the things). Because of Lawrence and Tasha’s (non)relationship status, #teamLawrence could still go on pretending he was a good dude since he didn’t technically cheat. But #teamIssa and #teamhealthyrelationships wasn’t going. Because we been reading the good book. So we knew it was only a matter of time before Lawrence gave Tasha some version of his sit-on- the-couch-and-dream f*ckboy self. And it didn’t take long. But because he’s an overachieving f*ckboy, he had to do it in front of her entire family. Homegirl invited him to the family cookout. You know that’s major. If I got you anywhere near my aunties, you know I like you a whole lot. If you don’t like me back, you need to decline the invite. Because if you get a plate, we go together. If you sit down and play spades with my uncles, you basically just asked for my hand in marriage. And I swear fo’ lawd if you partake in the after spades brown liquor session, we in this forever *Cardi B voice*. Lawrence culturally Black enough to know cookout rules so he knew what it was when he said yes. True to his word, he did show up. And then dude bounced. In the middle of the cookout. Brats still on the grill, grandma still need to be helped back on the van, aunties still waiting to ask, “Who your momma ‘nem?” He left.
Some folks might say Lawrence did the right thing by leaving when he realized he didn’t want to be there. But the truth is that he knew that before he showed up. But f*ckboys who think they good dudes be committed to appearing to be good dudes. Even when they looking you in the face and lying. Like when he said he had a work thing to do when he left.
After what I’m sure was a brown liquor sessions filled with questions and smart comments (You know some cousin who ain’t never been able to stand her kept asking, “Hey Tasha, your man *still* at work?”), Tasha let Lawrence have it. Made it clear that she been knew what it was but Lawrence was the one acting like it was more than what it was when it was convenient for him. Dude went way past mixed signals to mixed actions and direct words and was running around apologizing for shit he wasn’t even sorry for. I might have just shouted. Because where is the lie? Where is the accountability? Where is the respect? We know where it ain’t. It ain’t in Lawrence. Because Lawrence is worse than a f*ckboy. He’s a f*ckboy who thinks he’s a good dude.